


Lie with Me

by Katra21



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Awkward Romance, Bigger Lies, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Misunderstandings, Romantic Fluff, Stupid Interfering Dib, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, web of lies, white lies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-04-24 00:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4898479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katra21/pseuds/Katra21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their practically preposterous romance had a shaky start, but Zim and Gaz have smoothed over their initial misunderstandings. Just when they're ready to start their relationship off properly outside parties begin to get involved and complicate the situation.</p><p>Sequel to "Tremble for Me".</p><p>Also posted on fanfiction.net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unexpected Levels of Warm and Fuzzy

_"I want you to tremble for me," Gaz had insisted huskily, echoing words that Zim had said almost three months prior, words that had started them both down a very strange path indeed._

_"I'll do my best," Zim responded, smiling wryly at her flirtatious advances. He ran one of his odd talon-like fingers up her spine, sending a shiver of delight through her, effectively making her do the trembling._

_"Cheater," Gaz hissed darkly, although the sparkle in her eyes told a different tale, as did the curve of her lips, which Zim quickly claimed with his own. Zim had been a suspiciously good kisser from the very first time, but he seemed to keep getting better. Then again, that may have all been the illusion created by how much Gaz liked him. His fingers danced across her body, leaving her skin tingling even under the layers of clothing._ _His slim muscles were deceptively strong, massaging whatever limb he happened to be touching._

The alarm clock buzzed, forcing Gaz to wake much against her own will. She had been having a rather pleasant dream, or rather replaying a rather pleasant memory, a memory of Zim. They had done a lot of kissing that afternoon. Gaz smiled despite herself, she had been intending to glare at her alarm clock and possibly smash the offending electronic into teeny tiny pieces. Unfortunately any thinking about Zim instantly lifted her mood and spared her clock.

When Gaz's favorite cereal bottomed out after only a measly half a bowl, she started off stomping back to the cupboards for something to supplement the extra space in her stomach. When she spotted the box of toaster-ready waffles her mind natural went to Zim, and she just couldn't stop smiling about her stupid breakfast.

Normally when one of her fellow students carelessly bumped into her they had about four seconds to apologize and run or otherwise forfeit their day to the nurse's office and a world of pain. Except when one of the jocks bumped into her while his eyes were following a pigskin in mid-air, Gaz couldn't help but image Zim attempting to 'defend her honor' with a laser weapon. Her smile was enough to terrify the jock into apologizing and pleading for his life anyway so it wasn't all that different in the end.

When a class lecture started to bore her, instead of pulling out her Game Slave Portable, Gaz leaned onto her arm and lost herself in thought.

It seemed like a happenstance that brought her and Zim together. Her once regrettable attraction to him was to be another trophy of his superiority. After that no matter what signs Zim gave that his regard was genuine Gaz had brushed it off. To her it was just the same as when he 'made friends'; he could show his emotions without changing the fact that he loathed everyone and everything around him. Gaz knew enough of Irken anatomy that his strange desires for touch, his lustful little purrs, and his eccentric innuendo were brushed off as if they meant nothing.

Zim did eventually show her the scans that proved his claims. Malfunction or adaptation, Zim's blood was full of the simple truth, he wanted Gaz in ways that Irken anatomy was simply no longer capable of accomplishing.

"Gaz, are you okay?" Maddy asked uncertainty and Gaz… giggled. She couldn't help herself, she had Zim on the brain. The whole classroom went rigid in fear, too afraid to move, or to speak. In fact, that may have been part of what had prompted Maddy, the only bridge to Gaz's good side, to ask in the first place.

"I'm good," Gaz responded, still beaming from ear to ear. She was better than good, she'd never felt so good in her entire life. No matter what stupidity was surrounding her she was loved. She  _felt_ loved.

"You're really getting into the Christmas spirit," Maddy smiled, able to recognize a genuinely good mood. It was certainly the best mood she'd ever seen Gaz in and slowly the rest of the classroom started to relax.

Gaz was in too good of a mood to correct her. Plus, Christmas was a good thought too. This was the last week of classes before winter break. Then there would be two full weeks without any classes or obligations to interrupt any plans with Zim. She  _should_  make plans. Christmas was always the holiday that fascinated the Irken most. It might be nice to actually celebrate it for once. Usually Gaz just got dragged along with whatever plans her father imposed upon her and then skipped out on. The only thing she needed to figure out now was what kind of present to get him. What could she buy for an alien with advanced technology and a constant desire to destroy Earth?

"Alright, I gotta know, what's his name?" Gaz flinched. Normally that sort of question would have resulted in some sort of personal injury, even to Maddy, but luckily for her she had waited until the class was empty. Maddy shirked away from the glare, before clarifying "You were humming, and the only other time you were doing that was when you were dating Hanzhi's older brother, but if you don't want to tell me-"

"I really don't," Gaz said with some chill to her voice.

"Subject dropped," Maddy put her hands up in surrender, not willing to invoke Gaz's considerable wrath. Gaz stood up, heading for her next class.

"Can I at least assume you're doing something together for Christmas?" Maddy asked, apparently not having learned her lesson yet.

Gaz let out a long breath, burying her immediate frustration to consider the circumstances. Despite Gaz's normally foul moods, Maddy had always been the closest thing that she had to a friend, and for the most part steered clear from spreading gossip. It wasn't like having holiday plans was particularly juicy to begin with. "Yeah," Gaz nodded, and that damn smile that was infectiously Zim reached her face again and her thoughts headed back to her predicament. "Hey Maddy," Gaz called getting her friend's attention, "can you help me pick out a present?"

"Yeah, okay," Maddy accepted with ease.

"You know this might be easier if I knew _something_  about who we were shopping for," Maddy protested.

Gaz didn't reply. If knowing about Zim didn't make shopping for him any easier for her then it probably wouldn't make it any easier for Maddy.

"Anything?" Maddy pleaded, then let out a sigh. "Fine, guess I'll have to make general suggestions… Could you get him clothes?"

Gaz grimaced, she already had to tell him how to dress half the time, actually  _choosing_  his clothes for him made her stomach churn. Controlling wasn't exactly her type, and she wasn't going to start down that road either.

"Movies, everybody likes moves," Maddy pointed to the video store.

"I think his _dog_  has watched more movies than he does," Gaz said aloud. Gir did spend an inordinate amount of time in front of the television despite not having a console. Gaz never liked the feeling of most shows, the characters were idiots who she could do nothing to hurt, most of the time she rooted for the slasher.

"He has a dog, I can work with that," Maddy brightened, "all kinds of dog toys, accessories…" Gaz ignored her drifting into the movie store, still wasn't buying any movies though. She drifted to the back corner where the video games were kept. "He's a gamer, duh," Maddy smacked her own head, like it was obvious that Gaz would date someone who shared her interests.

"No, he's not," Gaz said simply.

"So then… you're just here to distract yourself from the having to buy your boyfriend a Christmas present."

"Yep," Gaz stated coldly. She had already seen most of the GSP games that were laid out, movie stores tended to have a very limited selection. She either owned them already or they were just sucky.

Maddy let out a groan, before she started looking through titles anyway rather than struggle. "What about this one?" Maddy held up a title.

"I've already got the GSP version," Gaz replied.

"Ah, but the GSP version is different from the full console version."

"I don't  _have_  the full consoles, anything that can't be played when I need it is useless to me," Gaz said darkly.

"Oh, that's too bad," Maddy put the game back. "I guess multiplayer modes aren't really your style anyway, the GSP version has more levels so it evens out."

Then Gaz's GSP blinked, e-mail, and Gaz didn't really have to guess who when the subject line was: THIS IS NOT A BREAKUP

 _Gaz,_  
You did not come to Zim's house. Are you occupied elsewhere? Provide data before Zim's squeedly-spooch is filled with the worrying.  
Love, Zim

It made her smile, stupid alien worrying over nothing. Gaz paused, Zim  _had_ said something about two player games when she was using her GSP to ignore him. "Does the multiplayer let you play as the aliens?" Gaz asked extending an open hand towards Maddy.

"Yeah, I think so," Maddy handed over the case.

Gaz wondered if it was compatible with Zim's computer. He was able to integrate her GSP with the house computer seamlessly after all. Zim had already proved that he was at least adequate and fairly adaptable when it came to games. Plus, the fact that it was a close combat war game seemed like it would strike a chord. Zim was naturally inclined to the maniacally destructive side, but he'd had little to express himself with while quietly infiltrating this planet since Dib had always gotten in the way. It would at least give him something to do if she needed to avoid the all-consuming desire to express very strong feelings. Although, knowing that Zim wasn't immune to those horrible hot and heavy thoughts just made her feel warm and fuzzy inside.

The teller smiled, asking questions about finding everything she was looking for, or whether she had noticed the new releases section which the store always made impossible to  _not_ notice anyway. Gaz didn't realize why someone would do that. Usually her menacing glare kept the teller from saying anything except for the purchase total and "here's your change".

Except… she hadn't  _been_  glaring. She was still smiling, off in la-la-land with her warm and fuzzy feelings for Zim. Damn him.

 _Zim,_  
Yes, I was occupied elsewhere when your stupid e-mail distracted me and made me let another idiot live. Thanks a lot, dumbass.  
Love, Gaz

* * *

_**END MISSION LOG** _


	2. Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One little word. Can't be too complicated, can it?

_Love_ … Zim stared numbly at his screen. It was just a word. A word that he himself had used rather flippantly before he had found himself attracted to the human girl. Gaz on the other hand did not use it flippantly. If Zim recalled correctly this was the first time he knew of her using the term. Love was not used for her father, nor her brother, it wasn't used in regards to video games or Bloaty's Pizza Hog. He couldn't even remember her using that word when speaking of her previous boyfriends, though that was to be expected of the Gaz-human. Even though that word was attached to Gaz's expression of anger it still had meaning. Or maybe  _because_  it was attached to her anger it had even more meaning. Certainly Gaz would not express a sentiment opposite to her point unless it was legitimate.

Why wasn't she here? The very idea of that word coming from her mouth made Zim very much want to touch her, feel the warmth of her kiss, to hear her voice. If Zim didn't do  _something_  that one word was going to drive him crazier than Gir's six month long doom-song.

The insertion point on Zim's email had been blinking just after the human female's name for several minutes before Zim gave up on trying to put his feelings into words. He didn't know what to say, all of the English he knew seemed inadequate, and if there were any Irken words that dealt in such matters then they were too antiquated for Zim to have knowledge of them. Not to mention that the feelings themselves were so new. Zim couldn't pinpoint when the thought of Gaz became distinct from his thoughts of other human beings, or even distinct from her relationship to Dib. Though it was becoming clear that whatever his ridiculous feelings were prompting it couldn't be handled over the limits of word meanings alone.

_Gaz,_  
Come over soon.  
Love, Zim

It was still painfully inadequate, but Zim sent it over the human data streams anyway. Perhaps he could ask Gaz for better descriptive words for happy mating-type feelings.

Zim groaned leaning on his keyboard. Resulting in a jumble of letters before a repetitive bbbbbbb slowly consumed his screen. If he could not talk with Gaz, then he would seek alternatives to his language deficits from someone else…

The command room of the massive had been equipped with a orange ping-pong table. It wasn't actually for ping-pong, but for a Klorkian sport called gribbleappoplaxis. Seeing as "that gribbleappoplaxis table" was rather a mouthful, and most of the command crew didn't know what it was anyway, most of them had taken to calling it "that thing".

"Okay, okay," Tallest Purple laughed, putting his empty soda cup on one side of the table.

"You're making this too easy," Red gripped what looked to be a miniature yo-yo, which was actually called "the gribbleappoplaxis thimblewhopper" but the crew had been calling "the thing on that string". The point of gribbleappoplaxis, you see, is to hit an object selected by the opponent with your thimblewhopper without getting it caught in the net of the gribbleapplaxis table.

Just as Red began winding up his shot the command console blinked. And the attending crew member called back, "Incoming transmission from planet Earth."

Red flinched and screwed up his shot.

"Zim?!" Purple turned, quickly flipping the gribbleappoplaxis table behind their couch so that their most annoying subject would not fall under the impression that they had free time.

"I thought we'd gotten rid of him," Red groaned to his co-ruler but nodded at the communications officer who transferred the call. "We're very busy Zim, this had better be important," Red said harshly to the no-longer-so-little green alien.

"My Tallest," Zim saluted, "I have called to announce that… Well… As I'm sure you're aware my initial research into human affection was faulty to the insulting ruse by Tak meant to interfere with my mission, but recently another opportunity has come up... and uh…"

"Have you gotten taller?" Purple interrupted.

"What?" Zim paused.

"Maybe it's just the camera angle, but I would swear that you've gotten taller."

"Oh, yes, thank you, the height gains were crucial to maintaining my secret identity with the age group of the Dib. I am now of a height comparable to a human teenager."

"I didn't authorize that," Purple looked flabbergasted, "Red, did you authorize that?"

"Look, obviously, the control brains granted the extra height for his mission."

"But the control brains don't even know about that mission!"

"Wait, what?" Zim's brow line contorted in confusion.

"You didn't hear that," Red panicked, slapping his long fingers over Purple's mouth, "of course the  _control brains_  know about your mission Zim. You were talking about something much more important anyway, what's this research on human affection you're doing?"

"I wished to communicate that I have taken the human female known as Gaz as my love-pig and mate. The initial stages of the human mating ritual have been quite illuminating."

"Illuminating how?" Red asked, releasing Purple.

Once again Zim was at a loss, his mouth lolled for a moment before he scrunched his brow, lost in thought.

After a minute of silence Purple leaned over to Irk's co-ruler, "Is this freaking you out a little?"

"Yeah… y'know what Zim, just start from the top again," Red tried, perhaps if they didn't go off topic with Zim's height then he could finish a thought. "You were talking about a human, the name sounded familiar…"

"Gaz. I have mentioned the Gaz-Human in earlier reports, Dib's scary sister."

"I remember," Purple perked up, "you keep complaining about her breaking into your base. Didn't you call her the most terrifying example of human offensive capabilities?"

"Zim chose his mate well, no?"

"Um, no," Red responded. "You do understand the definition of 'enemy', don't you?" Red asked. Zim looked uncomfortable. "This is one of the humans who know your true identity; you should be trying to eliminate her, not dating her."

"Well that's… um…" Suddenly Zim's computer trilled. "That's a communication from Gaz now, I shall provide you with the full details through a written report."

Zim cut the transmission.

"Okay, that was just weird," Purple announced loudly.

_Zim,_  
You win, I should be there in about a half hour.  
Gaz

Elation, Zim threw his arms in the air. He hadn't been aware that there was a competition going on, but if winning meant seeing Gaz then he would certain try to unravel how to win as frequently as possible. He typed a response and sent it, paying little heed to the fact that the endearing word that began it all was no longer present.

Then the elation wore off. Zim slid to the bare floor of his base with a chill down his spine. It may have been a mistake to inform his superiors of his relationship with Gaz. Love was not a particularly conversant concept for the Irken race. Love for anything other than destruction and battle was considered the primitive delusions of lesser species. Physical reproduction was typically a topic of shock humour and little more. Even the science divisions did next to no research on the topic. Yet Zim couldn't deny that he enjoyed the warm and squishy feelings that had grown in response to Gaz's presence. His Pak showed no signs of malfunction. Yet Irken standards and human emotions stood in paradox.

Gaz was no threat to the mission. Zim would have to make that perfectly clear. She despised the human race as much as any Irken. Likely the only reason she opposed him at all in earlier encounters was her familial connection with Dib. Since Dib had moved away upon finishing hi-skool there was no longer any present circumstances that made them enemies. Even so, if Zim did not appreciate the presence of Gaz in some way then he would never have tried to continue their acquaintance after Dib's departure.

A long sigh escaped the Irken. Emotions were all too confusing for him.

* * *

_**End Mission Log** _


	3. Christmas Come Early to Good Kissers

"Come in, Miss Gaz," Zim's robot parents spoke in unison as they let her into the house.

"Robo-Parents, return to sleep-mode," Gaz supplied the necessary voice commands almost as soon as she saw them, since Zim had given her essentially unrestricted access to his base. "Hey computer, where is Zim?"

"Zim is entering elevator 6K," a mechanical voice echoed back.

Gaz didn't know which elevator was supposedly 6K, but it probably meant that he was on his way up, and beyond that, she didn't really care. Gaz dropped her backpack and several shopping bags from her trip with Maddy onto the floor. Zim was probably going to get his presents unwrapped because Gaz didn't give a damn. Going home was too much of a hassle.

"H-hello Gaz," Zim stumbled around the edge of the kitchen, his wig partially askew from putting it on in a hurry.

What was the stuttering about? Gaz looked at her boyfriend incredulously. "How many times am I going to have to tell you to skip putting on the disguise?" She reached up and stole the wig, leaving Zim to handle the contacts on his own.

"I didn't know whether you were on your own or…" Zim actually couldn't think of any alternative state that Gaz had arrived in.

"If I was bringing over company I would have given you a heads up."

"Yes, of course."

Gaz paused, Zim was normally easy to read, even with only partial human features Zim was so expressive that Gaz hardly had to guess what he was thinking. Right now though, Zim was fidgeting, his expression changing so frequently that Gaz couldn't quite pin down what stupid idea was running through his head. "What?" she looked at him incredulously.

"May Zim kiss Gaz now?"

It was their custom now to share a brief kiss whenever Gaz was coming or going, since they mostly hung out at Zim's house. Zim shouldn't really have to ask. Gaz rolled her eyes, "Nooo, I really wanted to avoid you today," Gaz drawled sarcastically. Zim sunk, and the disappointment on his face was so adorable that Gaz resisted the urge to inflict some sort of violence on him for being stupid. "Of course you can kiss me, Zim, I was just being sarcastic," Gaz put her hands on his shoulders and leaned in.

Zim pressed into the kiss fervidly, drawing out their usual quick peck. One three fingered hand brushed, against her cheek, his thumb sliding over her ear, while his two talon-like fingers found a grip on the back of her neck. Zim's other hand slipped over Gaz's closest hand, holding it to his chest.

Something was wrong… not that Zim couldn't be passionate, but normally Gaz could track the when and the why of his moods. Right now it seemed that Zim needed that kiss a lot more than she did. It was the exact opposite of what seemed to be their state a few days prior. The kiss was nice though. Denying Zim at that moment would take a lot more work than just letting him have as much kiss as he needed. It wasn't a make-out session. Zim's fingers didn't travel. There was no playfulness amid the show of affection, just a strange desperation. Desperation for what though... closeness maybe? The kiss was long enough that Gaz lost track of time, and not in the good head-rush-of-lust kind of way.

Even when Zim's lips finally left hers, his fingers lingered in a half-embrace. Gaz was still at a loss, which meant she couldn't let it slide. "Is something wrong?" Gaz asked in a tone that implied she was more annoyed by it than she actually was.

Zim's brow was knit in confused determination. "I love you... Gaz."

Gaz felt her chest flutter, but her face remained steady. "Not exactly new information," Zim had said it before, several ways, and as a regular farewell in their emails.

"Yes… I know," the knit in Zim's brow only deepened, "but... my former definition of love is inaccurate, but I don't know how to communicate the change in its meaning…"

"Is  _that_  what that face is about?" Gaz put her finger on his crumpled brow, help him feel what a severe expression he was wearing. Just like she intended Zim blinked, and then slowly relaxed, releasing her from the embrace, and even smiling after a moment. "Geez Zim, calling me over because you need to update your English dictionary. If you keep doing stuff like that I'm never going to be able to plan any surprises."

"Surprises?" Zim perked.

Gaz pulled away, heading to her bags and grabbing the one from the video store. "You were going to get this for Christmas, but shiny paper isn't worth the effort now that it's already here."

Zim bounded over lightly, giving Gaz a peck on the forehead as he relieved her of the bag. He pulled out the game, and, naturally, not being a gamer looked back at Gaz for further instructions. "You said you wanted something two player… and it's got good combat physics so…" Gaz didn't finish merely shrugged.

When it became apparent that she wasn't going to add anything further, Zim handed the game case off to the computer and pulled Gaz onto the couch and into was likely to become their typical cuddling formation. "Computer, ready my new game with two controllers."

"You're not going to be able to play with me sitting on your lap," Gaz accused him gently.

"Fear not, little Gaz, for the Irken elite possesses superior hand-eye co-ordination which can overcome any visual impairments."

Gaz doubted it, but why argue? Actually she would test it. She leaned over to her other shopping bag, just a little thing from a kiosk. "I also got you these," Gaz pulled out a pair of sunglasses, "I figured you could wear them out instead of your contact lenses if you wanted to, though you'll have to figure out how they're to hang them off your wig." Gaz slipped the cheap plastic over Zim's eyes, holding the shades there so that she could get a look at him. He looked good wearing them, his shimmering red eyes were almost completely hidden, but Gaz could see them when she looked really hard.

"Data analysis complete, program has been made compatible," the computer informed them, almost sounding chipper.

"Start the program," Zim said, and the opening logos began to flash across the screen. Then suddenly he went stiff.

Gaz glanced backwards, suspiciously, watching the red globes of his eyes twitching while the rest of him remained unusually still. "What? Is one of the company logos a sign of evil on your planet?"

"I have not prepared presents for Gaz," Zim shrank, very obviously recognizing it as failure.

"It's not a big deal, just figure something out before Friday."

"Why Friday?" Zim's browline curled as he held his new shades.

"Friday is when the Christmas break starts, you won't have time to get me anything. I plan on spending the majority of it with you rather than with my dad. Pick me up on Friday, around five, the rest is a secret."

Gaz felt Zim's grip around her get a little tighter, his lips pressed to her cheek. "Anything you say, little Gaz."

Gaz huffed, but took her frustration out on Zim's game avatar rather than on the Irken himself. The affection though, she left all for Zim, little teasing touches between rounds, until they abandoned the game completely, letting npc's kill them off multiple times in favor of a make-out session.

Too soon it was time to head home, and Zim punctuated their goodbye kiss with an ardent, "I love you, Gaz." It left a tightness alongside warmth in Gaz's chest. She hadn't said it back.

When Zim said it, it was with conviction, as though those three little words were the most fundamental truth in the universe. Gaz couldn't return a sentiment that strong. Lust was one thing. Zim's bizarre quirks had a strange power over her, but it wasn't exactly the driving force of their relationship. She had put up with being attracted to Zim for years. Somehow Zim was in a different category than any human being had ever been, but Gaz wouldn't call it love. Love was about caring for the other person, but what she wanted was more like  **owning** Zim. Her thrills came from seeing Zim trip over himself for her, knowing that he wasn't immune to lusting for her, having him tell her all the ways that she was better than everyone else. How could she help Zim figure out what love was supposed to mean when the closest thing she had to love was so warped?

Her GSP beeped, and Gaz pulled open the e-mail from Zim.

_Epitome of Loveliness,_   
_Zim is not accustomed to present shopping. Please outline your preferred gifts so Zim does not fall into the traps of human media._   
_Love, Zim_

Apparently Zim's new definition of love included starting his messages with ridiculous monikers. Gaz let out a happy puff of air, her inner turmoil forgotten. Maybe just a hint or two.

When Friday arrived Gaz no longer caring who fled and who stared when thoughts of Zim put her in a good mood. She couldn't help but feel happy when she thought of the dwindling hours until she saw Zim and got to celebrate Christmas her way. She stepped through her front door, with a mental list of things she needed to bring in order to avoid home as much as possible.

"Hey Gaz, Merry X-mas!" The voice caught her off guard, and instantly brought her plans crashing around her. Dib stood across the living room, already hanging decorations.

* * *

_**End Mission Log** _


	4. It's a Trap

Gaz stared across the room dumbly. Normally she wasn't reduced to the mental capacity of a three year old when taken by surprise, but she had admittedly been very wrapped up in a excessively complicated relationship. She  **should**  have realized that Dib would be back from college during the holidays. She  **should**  have been mentally prepared for the myriad of idiosyncrasies that made her daily life a pain in the neck. She  **should**  have warned Dib that the boyfriend who had actually made her pathetic enough to call her brother a few weeks prior was also the alien scum that he had spent a good portion of his childhood in a bitter rivalry with. She  **really**  should have remembered that Zim was on his way to pick her up.

There was a rumble outside. Still standing next to the door Gaz heard it, and recognized it as Zim's car. He was early. If she left right then Dib could easily look out the window or simply follow her out and put two and two together. Gaz would have to explain everything to Dib... in front of Zim…

"Just, stay out of my hair," Gaz said darkly, quickly shifting into evasive mode, pulling out her Gameslave Portable as though she were starting up a game as she headed for the stairs. Actually she was whipping open her e-mail and hoping that Zim kept something portable to get the messages on. Gaz only went far enough up the stairs to be unseen so that she was still close enough to hear the inevitable chaos, her fingers flying across the keyboard.

The doorbell rang.

Gaz hit send.

"I guess  _I'll_  get the door," Dib said sorely.

The door creaked.

"ZIM?!"

"Dib?! What are you doing here?!"

Gaz resisted hitting her head on the wall and alerting them of her presence.

"This is  **my** house!" Dib protested loudly. "The real question is, what are  _you_  doing here?"

"Zim is here for," a trilling sound, and Zim paused to pull up the information in question.

Gaz was going to murder whoever dropped the ball for cellular reception.

_Zim,_  
_I'm sorry. I didn't know Dib would be home. Don't tell him we're dating._  
_Gaz_

"Zim was here to… set a trap for you! But since you are already home my fiendish plans have been foiled. Curse yoooou!" Gaz could imagine the insane flailing Zim would be doing as he said that.

"You what?! You… you monster! Stay away from my house!"

"Victory will be mine Dib-stink!" That time Zim's voice was distant, retreating.

Gaz headed further up the stairs, constantly checking her mail and debating her options.

She could just tell Dib right away and get it over with. Then they would be at odds with each other for the rest of the holidays, but that wasn't so different from normal. The downside was that Dib would probably insist on accompanying them everywhere and being crazy overprotective. If he was lucky, Gaz wouldn't be so annoyed that she would end up outright murdering him.

There wasn't any way she could forgo telling Dib and simply meet Zim without Dib's interfering. If she made any mention of seeing her boyfriend then Dib would want to meet him. She had already made the mistake of confiding in Dib when she had misinterpreted what Zim was trying to tell her.

Sneaking out was also out of the question. She could climb out the window or otherwise evade Dib without a problem, but then he would get suspicious. With Zim's latest threats fresh in his mind there was no way that Dib wouldn't check in on the alien if she went missing.

There was only one option, outright lies. Gaz would have to include subterfuge in her Christmas plan in order to spend any significant time with Zim.

Perhaps Gaz would tell Dib the truth just before he left to go back to college. Or maybe after he was already back at college, because it would be just like him to forgo returning at the mere mention of a Zim and Gaz being an item.

The phone rang quite suddenly, and Gaz felt all her hairs stand on end. She had her bedroom phone incinerated during a recent bad mood and hadn't bothered to replace it yet. It was actually one of the hints she had given Zim for potential Christmas gift. Zim wasn't that stupid, was he?

Dib's voice filtered up from downstairs, "Hello?" Gaz held her breath, it could have been Dad, or more likely one of his assistants. "Hello?!" No, it was definitely Zim, who was probably silent on the other end of the phone trying to figure out what to do next. "Is anybody there?"

There were more productive things to do than listen in on the combined stupidity of Zim and Dib. Already mentally rehearsing her lie, Gaz grabbed a few things that she wanted to bring with her and stuffed them into her backpack. Her GSP blinked, flashing a pig holding a letter, the sign of a new e-mail.

_Epitome of loveliness,_  
_Are there still plans to do the things which Zim was not informed of? What should be done about Dib?_  
_Love, Zim_

Gaz let out a gentle sigh, letting the weirdness that was Zim warm the frigid wasteland that was her emotions. Just a minute ago she was planning on hitting him for being stupid enough to call the house, but then he had to go and be Zim.

_Zim,_  
_Yes, there are still plans. I'll be making my way to your place on foot. Don't worry about Dib._  
_Gaz_

She paused, looking at the end of her e-mail. Zim had ended his messages with the word love since they began dating. Possibly before that, but she'd never had a reason to e-mail him back then. It didn't have to mean as much as the breathy confessions that Zim made in person or he wouldn't have been making a fuss about it the other day. Here, she could say that one word and still maintain the psychological space between herself and the alien. Better that she say it somehowrather than just let Zim say it over and over and never say it back. Even if her definition of love was messed up, relationships were about the back and forth. As long as she could say it, even flippantly, it would still count for something. She'd given Zim a lot of credit for ending his messages that way over the last few months.

Gaz placed the word before her name, her sign off now reading:  _Love, Gaz_.

There was a knock on her door, and with a flinch Gaz hit send before she could second guess herself. "Hey Gaz, can I come in?" Dib asked from the other side.

"No," Gaz said icily, but she walked over to her door and opened it. Standing at the precipice her angry glare could deny Dib access and still let her talk to him. "What do you want Dib?"

"I just got this weird call, I think it was some sort of prank. There was definitely someone on the other end, but they didn't say anything, then they just hung up."

"Maybe it was a butt-dial," Gaz said smoothly.

"Have those sorts of calls been happening often?"

"No," Gaz said simply, then leaving the door open she zipped up her backpack and threw it over one shoulder. "One side Dib - I'm not staying."

"Where are you going?" Dib probed like she knew he would, but still stepped to one side so she that he wasn't in her path.

Normally she would just tell him it was none of his business, but that would only make him more suspicious. "Maddy and I are going shopping together, just had to grab some stuff."

"Oh, that's cool," Dib drifted after her, following her downstairs until the inevitable. "So… uh… when do I get to meet your  _boyfriend_?"

Gaz twitched, the way he said boyfriend was dangerously close to teasing her in and of itself. "He's visiting family out of state," short, but comprehensive. Not giving too many details made the lie easier to maintain. Dib wouldn't be seeing Gaz's 'boyfriend' for his entire visit, even if they had technically already seen each other just minutes before.

"See you when you get back?" Dib asked absently, already having bought into Gaz's lies.

More talking would have been unnecessary, and even suspicious.

Dib was a distant, yet still annoying, thought in the back of Gaz's mind by the time she got to Zim's house. Apparently it wasn't the case for Zim, who shrieked, and leapt from the couch when she opened the door. Then, after seeing who it was rather than simply reacting he snapped to attention. "Are you okay?... What happened to the Dib?"

"I blew him off," Gaz said smoothly tossing her bag onto the couch. She grabbed Zim around the collar pulling him into a quick kiss. Then, with her hand still holding the alien, she yelled to the ceiling, "Computer take us to the training room."

"Why are we going to the training room?"

"I want to shoot something, I'm guessing you would prefer it not to be you," Gaz dragged Zim into the elevator that opened up on the floor. She would never get why Zim needed a specific elevator for every single room, just made the place a hassle to navigate.

"You are mad at the Dib-stink."

"Sure," she wouldn't have been frustrated with Dib either if Zim weren't involved, but that wasn't really a good reason to take it out on the Irken.

"Zim knows just the program to appease his mate," a sly smile crossed his face, zipper-like teeth flashing.

Gaz raised an eyebrow, but let Zim go to turn on whatever he had in mind. She had been expecting the firing range, but instead was treated to a view of a random street with Dib standing out in the middle of it.

"I will make yoooou  **suffer large** ,  _alien_ ," the inflections were downright bizarre, but it definitely looked like Dib.

"Zim often uses the Dib-face to inspire new ways to inflict suffering upon the filthy dirt-child. It won't put up the same physical resistance as the real Dib, but the impact animations are very advanced."

Free to maim, kill, and torture Dib, over and over, Gaz had to smile at that. Zim was rewarded with a long kiss before Gaz started her catharsis.

Zim stepped back, watching his mate repeatedly beat the visage of Dib to a pulp. The revelry in her eyes was almost as rewarding as the kisses she had for him whenever she paused to switch weapons. Better yet, Zim could feel the gradual change in her mood through each kiss. When she had first started the kisses were hard, forceful, her aggression coming through them. Then as she satisfied her blood lust the kisses were softer, sweeter, she took the time to fit her mouth to his rather than the other way around. Though, all of the kisses were amazing, since they were coming from Gaz, it was interesting to note how quickly the violence relieved Gaz of her pent up tension.

Gaz tossed a final weapon aside and leaned against Zim almost languidly. "Thank you Zim, that was very helpful," she hummed pleasantly, her voice tickling his neck.

Zim shuddered pleasantly, before nuzzling his mate with his own hum of happiness. Satisfying Gaz's violent streaks apparently left her extra cuddly. Zim happily soaked in the attention, and trailed little whispering kisses across any bit of bare skin that the snuggling allowed him. "Couch?" Gaz suggested lightly.

"Computer, take us to the main floor," Zim called out, before pulling Gaz into the elevator and immediately going back to snuggling. Having his mate in his arms, it was so warm and soft and right. He didn't even want to step out of the elevator because that would mean having to let go of Gaz for a fraction of a second. Apparently Gaz felt the same way because she made no effort to move from Zim's embrace either.

"Warning," the computer blared suddenly. Zim and Gaz both flinched. "Dib-human detected."

Zim tried to move, then lost his footing. With Gaz still clinging to him… he torqued, ensuring that he took the impact rather than his mate. It wasn't a hard fall, but Zim asked anyway, "Are you okay?"

"I'm not made of tissue paper, stupid," Gaz chided, but she pressed a kiss on his cheek.

Then the doorbell rang. Gaz sprung to her feet and ducked behind the kitchen doorway, out of sight, leaving Zim to answer the door.

Zim fished out his disguise, cleared his throat, and opened the door to glare at Dib. He wasn't expecting the fist that came barreling towards his head. Knuckles connected with the skin between his eyes and Zim stumbled backwards, blinking fiercely. "Grr - Dib - What did you do _that_  for?" It wasn't as strong as one of Gaz's punches, but the area was not as durable as the rest of Irken anatomy.

"You ran away before I could give that to you," Dib said and stepped inside casually.

When Zim had first arrived on Earth the thought of Dib just walking into his base like that would have been unthinkable, abhorrent. But after a while, after their unspoken truce of cafeteria lunches in the sixth grade it would only have been aggravating. By Hi-Skool it was a relatively normal occurrence.

"I thought about that little death threat of yours... If you have an active plan to destroy the earth, or humanity, I will find out and I will stop you." Dib was aware that his privileges only extended to the ground floor so the security system would hastily dispatch him if he went down into the real base. There was always something on the lower levels that Dib would take offense to. Last time he had gone crawling he had relieved Zim of all his human experiments. But what Zim was most worried about Dib discovering though was already on the ground floor.

Zim couldn't help but flick his eyes backwards to the kitchen to assure himself that Gaz was still hidden. She was of course, but it didn't stop Zim from seeing the human girl's backpack lying on the couch. Grabbing Dib by the shoulders Zim started pushing his rival towards the door and talking frantically. "Zim shall graciously overlook this unwarranted and violent visit, because Zim misspoke earlier, what I meant by traps was… a surprise party! Yes! Zim wanted to set friendly traps of candy and confetti to welcome the dirt-child home, still foiled by Dib's earlier than anticipated appearance! There is no need to monitor Zim's base where there is absolutely nothing of interest to the Dib! Return now to your Earth home and wallow in your banal little holiday."

"You've got to be kidding,  _you_ , plan a surprise party," Dib mocked. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You're planning something and I'm going to stop you Zim, if it's the last thing I ever do."

"Computer, suspend the ally privileges of the Dib human," Zim said loudly, "Activate lawn gnomes, protocol I."

The door slammed. The lawn gnomes started firing. Zim closed the blinds. "I'm watching you Zim," Dib called his retreat. Then Gaz slugged Zim in the shoulder.

"The I stands for incapacitate, Zim would not permanently harm the Dib without permission," Zim explained quickly, rubbing his arm. It wasn't good enough, he could tell be the look in Gaz's face that their cuddle time was over.

"You're an idiot," Gaz groaned, "you just went from  _kind of_  suspicious to  _really_  suspicious."

"Zim is not an idiot, Dib had to be removed before he noticed your backpack! Gaz forgot it."

"I didn't forget it," Gaz glared. "It's plain black, no markings, nothing to suggest it belongs to me unless Dib decided to open it. But it was sitting close to the window, if I had tried to grab it Dib could've spotted me. If you had just kept a level head instead of freaking out then the whole thing might have blown over."

Gaz looked up at Zim, his face was a crumpled mess, she couldn't tell if that expression was anger, shame, or simply sadness without his the position of his antennae to bring the expression together. She let out a frustrated breath, calming herself, and pulled off his wig, finding the antennae pinned to the back of his head. It was shame apparently, or at least predominantly.

"You did good," Gaz said, and pulled Zim in to press her forehead to his, watching his eyes widen. "You thought quickly and reacted to the problem without alerting Dib of what you were trying to hide."

"You're not mad?" Zim asked, slipping his fingers into her hair, holding her head the same way she was holding his.

"I'm mad that my Christmas plans have to revolve around  _Dib_  instead of around  _us_ ," Gaz growled slightly, "but I'm not mad at you."

"Zim is mad at Zim," he said, folding his eyes closed. "Zim is a bad liar, I went and ruined the Christmas plans of Gaz."

"Nothing is ruined," Gaz placed a gentle peck against Zim's lips, and his eyes locked with hers. "Do you have any tracking devices that Dib doesn't know how to detect?"

With the technology from Tak's ship Dib had devised scanners and defenses that made many of Zim's ingenious devices next to useless. "It doesn't matter, I wouldn't be able to get close enough to plant them on him," Zim pouted.

"Then it's a good thing that I'm going to plant them and not you," Gaz said smugly.

A slow, wicked grin covered Zim's face. If Zim had had his body pressed to Gaz's torso as opposed to just her head, he might have felt the faint tremble in her stomach. If Gaz had been looking into Zim's red globe-like eyes rather than his contact lenses he might have felt the tremble regardless. But as long as Gaz could get away with it she wasn't going to tell him.

* * *

_**End Mission Log** _


	5. State of Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter that was pre-posted on fanfiction.net. From here on I'll be updating both sites simultaneously whenever I finish a chapter.

Gaz had to rework the schedule of her Christmas plans, even leaving a few details to Zim, but getting around Dib was easy. Zim left first, taking Gir for a walk. Once Gaz was sure that Dib was following the Irken rather than breaking into the base she made her way home. She left the empty bags from her last shopping trip on the living room floor as evidence. Then she put a couple presents, which had actually been chosen and wrapped for weeks, under the tree. Then Gaz flopped onto the couch, pulling out her Gameslave and waiting for Dib to arrive home. She chose a tactical turn-based game, it allowed her to stay in the state of mind to deceive her brother and it also allowed her to play one-handed. Her other hand kept returning to her pocket and running her fingers over Zim's present.

Zim had presented her with three gift boxes in smooth shiny wrapping paper. Gaz had almost complimented Zim of having the good taste to avoid cheap wrappings with cheesy Christmas cartoons, but she doubted he had wrapped these himself. Gaz had chosen the smallest to open then because it would be easiest to get around Dib. The other two presents were going to wait for Boxing Day, when Zim and Gaz were officially celebrating their Christmas, because slipping away on Christmas Day proper would have been too suspicious.

Gaz smiled as she remembered Zim's face.

" _Boxing Day?!" Zim lurched back, "Do humans attack the people who provide inadequate presents?"_

_Gaz smiled at the way Zim's brow knit as he looked at the two remaining presents, "Not that kind of boxing, more cardboard, less bruising. Traditionally its the day that servants would get presents from their employers, I would guess they went undecorated." Zim looked worried, probably trying to figure out if not knowing the fact had adversely affected his mission. "Dad likes to spew stupid facts that no one but him cares about. Just think of it as the day that the malls turn into an unruly hell because of people looking to save a few bucks."_

_Pulling the wrapping paper from the small box, Gaz paused. It was a jewellery box. Jewellery was the one thing that Gaz had specifically told Zim_ _ **not**_   _to get her. She had given the excuse of it being a tired cliché but there was also too much meaning implied by giving and getting shiny rocks. Cheap jewellery brought into question the giver's dedication to the relationship. Expensive jewellery seemed either like it was an apology, or wrapped in the expectation of sexual favours. The likelihood of Zim trying to communicate anything like that was ridiculously small._

_Gaz hoped there wasn't jewellery inside at all. If Zim could epically fail by wrapping an apology in breakup words he could easily fail the same way with gift giving. Flipping open the velvet case revealed a small silver tag in the shape of a bone with his name_ ZIM  _written across the front. Gaz felt her chest tighten. It was obviously for the blood-red collar that Gaz used to claim Zim like a pet. Their relationship from that point on was probably thanks to Zim's easy acceptance of Gaz's possessive claim on him._

" _Turn it over," Zim said lightly, sounding very pleased with himself. Gaz pulled the tag from it's case and turned it in her palm, reading silently:_ PROPERTY OF GAZ, EPITOME OF HUMAN LOVELINESS. " _Do you li-" Gaz didn't let Zim finish, she grabbed his shirt and pulled him into a kiss, utilizing the unfinished sentence to throw her tongue into the mix. It took Zim by surprise, she felt him lurch, and though Gaz held onto him for a moment she had wondered if he would pull away. Then Zim pressed into it, reaching to touch her. His tongue had been even more timid, a light touch, slowly extending and then wrapping around Gaz's tongue, following it into her mouth._

_His teeth were rounder than Gaz expected, almost unsuited for food harder than pastries. His tongue was harder than she expected too, it was armoured, and jointed, the sharp tip made for piercing, like a crab's leg only smoother and slick with saliva. The taste was sweet, fermenting candy perhaps, either Zim didn't brush or his toothpaste was just as sweet as his preferred foods. Gaz found that she didn't mind, especially once he started purring._

Gaz pulled over a pillow burying her face into it until she felt the heat disappear from her cheeks. It would be better if Dib didn't find her blushing like a lovestruck nincompoop.

Back at his base, Zim was blushing like a lovestruck nincompoop as he recalled the latest kiss from Gaz. French kissing had been described to him back in hi-skool, by a classmate whose name he couldn't be bothered to remember. As a result Zim had gone on a rant about how repugnant the very idea was, before avoiding any dark lit corners where such disgusting activities were rumoured to take place. Actually doing the kissing was an entirely different matter, a different state of mind perhaps. Gaz had tasted like cinnamon, and the warm wriggling muscle of her tongue tickled his own, less sensitive, appendage. Unfortunately Zim had no idea how to explain to the Tallest how the doing was far better than explanation suggested. He had barely started his written report but it was a mess of babbling compliments and dangerously un-Irken. His last conversation had already proven that Gaz's superior intelligence and combat prowess were not factors that they regarded as positive when finding a mate in an alien species.

"It's done!" Gir yelled with delight, and Zim turned his eyes up to look at the process. They had picked up a small Christmas tree for the living room, as per Gaz's instructions. She had been planning to stay and decorate it with them if not for the nosy, interfering, Dib-human. But leaving Gir to decorate while his state of mind wandered to pleasant interactions with Gaz was clearly a terrible plan. Gir had somehow strung the rainbow lights into colour coded clusters, spread tinsel on only one side and somehow made all of the little coloured balls look as though they humping each other.

"Gir, get away from there!" Zim snapped grabbing at his minion. "Computer, atomize the Christmas decorations, we'll start over."

"Aw, but it was pretty," Gir protested. Thankfully the insane little robot was more manageable now that Zim was taller, holding Gir at arms length meant the robot could do little more than flail helplessly.

"The Gaz-mate is very particular about appearances, your idea of pretty would certainly be offensive to her senses. Go play out in the yard."

"Can Pig play out in the yard too?" Gir asked brightly.

"Yes yes, take your pig and stay out of Zim's antennae."

Gir scrambled away and Zim watched the computer's mechanical arm turn the tree upside down and disintegrate the fallen decorations. Zim glanced down at his work, the unfinished report, a spy camera and a few hundred images of Christmas trees and ornaments littered a portable screen. The camera, attached to remote controlled insect drone, was pointed at Dib. The human probably knew it was there too. After a half dozen years of spying on each other it was more out of habit than necessity. Soon Dib would see Gir in the yard, and he would decide that whatever Zim was planning was still in the barest of stages. Despite all logic, Zim still included Gir in any plans to take over the Earth. Just as Zim predicted Dib began to shuffle on his view screen, and then vanish from sight. So, Zim pulled up yet another task, e-mail.

_Epitome of Loveliness,_  
Your pea-brained sibling is no longer watching the base. Likely he believes there is a buffer of time before any delicious evil. He may return to the Earth-home soon to resupply.  
Love, Zim

Vampire piggies flashed and Gaz looked over the message briefly. It was more coherent than she was used to. Gaz was almost surprised, except that the message really only concerned Dib. When it came to their rivalry the pair had become almost businesslike, especially when compared to the antics they pulled as kids. No, Dib had been a kid, Zim had been an adult in Irken society. Still, it was a different state of mind than when Zim and Gaz were interacting so Zim wasn't at a loss for what to say or do.

Just as Zim predicted, Dib was home in a few minutes. "Well, I would guess that the shopping trip was a success," he said, almost cheerily as he stepped around the messes.

"Sure," Gaz grunted from her seat on the couch.

"Would this be a good time to talk, or should I go before I throw off your game?"

"Talk," Gaz said simply, "Turn-based."

They had systems in place now. Gaz didn't like to lose her game progress. Usually Dib didn't like Gaz to lose her game progress either, especially if he had caused it, she made sure to make his life extra unpleasant. For intense action games she only has to tell him to piss off once and he would out of her hair until the next meal. Grinding was the best time to talk, when she could plug away at her game mindlessly without any real danger. Turn-based meant that Dib talking wouldn't throw anything off, but she wouldn't respond in more than one or two words sentences. It made it easy to lie, and it limited the kind of questions Dib would ask.

"I think Zim is planning something big," Dib started rambling, even if it was mainly to the wall, "he hasn't been this fidgety since that fiasco with hacking military drones in order to herd all the birds into a murder flock. He actually kicked me out of his base, not the under-base either, I was only in the living room."

"Mmn," Gaz grunted.

"Has Zim been lingering around the house at all?"

"Nope," she lied.

"Then this attack was probably a last minute realization that I would be interfering in his plans. Since I could only interfere if I was here there could be a time-frame that requires Zim to act over the Christmas break. But he was doing Christmas activities with Gir, so maybe it isn't imminent. But if he's trying to knock me out without imminent plans. This could be big Gaz, this could be really big. Like the Irken Armada finally making its way to Earth big."

Gaz didn't respond, it was just nice to know that Dib was off track.

"Or... What if the Christmas decorating was a ruse? Zim could be trying to their me off track, if there's no deadline on his plans then he just has play it cool and pretend like his plans had fallen through until I get back to school..." Gaz watched her brother out of the corner of one eye, his train of thought was getting a little too similar to the truth. "I should probably extend my stay, I could miss the first couple weeks of the semester if it will stop whatever Zim is planning." Gaz remained still, but only through great effort. Her grip on her Game Slave did tighten dangerously close to destructive. If she broke her GSP she was going to snap both Dib and Zim in retribution. Dib didn't notice, "Zim wanted me to believe that the reason he was over here was to plan a surprise party."

And Gaz saw her out, "Maybe he was," then she grunted a little at her game screen suggesting that an enemy tactic had displeased her.

"What? Gaz can you put down your game for a minute and actually listen. You just suggested Zim wanted to throw  _me_  a party."

Gaz glared, "I am listening. I just don't think it would be that weird."

"But…" another glare and Dib shut up.

"You're friends aren't you?"

"Well… yeah… at least, I thought we were. Maybe only frenemies, but part of that is friends."

"Well it's been four months since he last saw you."

"Four months isn't that long, especially for Zim, he's almost ninety by earth years."

"You're not seriously that  _stupid_  are you?" Gaz asked, looking up from her game. "Don't answer Dib, I already know the answer. This is  _Zim_  we're talking about, just how many friends does he actually have?"

"Well there's Gir, and that Skoodge fellow, and… I guess that's it… Wow! I might be a colossal douche."

Gaz grunted and turned her attention, or at least her face, back to her game, focussing on not grinning smugly.

"I mean, it makes more sense to throw a surprise party after I've graduated, or even after the school year is over, but Zim has always been a little weird about understanding our culture so I guess its possible… still, until I have proof I'm going to have to be on my guard…" and with that Dib drifted away towards the kitchen. "Gaz, I'm going to finish this box of Pirate Flag cereal, is that okay?"

"Sure," Gaz grunted, moving her fingers to her pocket. Just under Zim's dog tag was a sugar pill, with nano trackers in it. It would only work for about a week, then Gaz would have to give him another dose, but Dib would only find them if he took a sample of his stomach contents.

She slipped it into his cereal without any problem, and then headed to her room, where Dib had no potential of reading her emails to Zim over her shoulder.

* * *

_**End Mission Log** _


	6. Last Minute

Zim couldn't deny, and even felt a swell of pride in the fact, that his mate was absolutely brilliant. Strategy and subterfuge came quite naturally to all Irkens, and being an invader Zim was certainly better than most. Gaz was better than him... at least when it came to deceiving Dib. Though, surely living with him gave her an avenue into his psyche that Zim simply couldn't reproduce, and it was not any deficiency on Zim's part. If Gaz truly was better than him at such things it only proved how truly exceptional Gaz was. At any rate, Zim would have never thought that his panicked excuses would become the very thing they were going to convince Dib as being the truth. Perhaps because Zim would never throw the miserable dirt-child a party for any reason, and assumed Dib knew as much, he hadn't thought along these lines. But when Gaz laid out her plans, the chain of events, which would lead Dib to the conclusion that Zim hadn't been lying about the surprise party, it was a masterpiece. Zim had no appreciation of art, but he could appreciate this. Not only would Dib be little more than a puppet that dances upon strings, but by convincing Dib of what was so clearly a lie, Dib would be all the easier to manipulate in future endeavors. In fact, with Gaz's superb planning skills laid out before him, and how easy it was for her to dose Dib with tracking powder, he could quite easily imagine that they might evade Dib's knowledge indefinitely.

Unfortunately, it still included not seeing much of each other until after Dib left. But at least they would see each other today, boxing day, and exchange presents, and seals of approval. There was absolutely nothing that Dib could do to ruin that...

"You don't have to do this," Gaz informed her brother coldly as they left the house together.

"I know, I know, but with how fidgety Zim is being I'd like to make sure you get to Maddy's safe and sound."

"Do you really think Zim would be stupid enough to attack me?"

"I don't know," Dib huffed, "Zim can be resourceful, and even if his confidence is usually undeserved there's always that rare idea that actually works. If there's something big happening Zim will use every avenue possible to get me out of the game, which will probably include you at some point."

"I can look after myself," Gaz was snarling now, and Dib was following her through the street.

"I'm not going to get in the way of your day, Gaz, just… let me walk with you to Maddy's, that's it."

If Gaz protested much more than Dib might get suspicious of her. "Only to Maddy's," she ground her teeth, and pulled out her GSP. Maddy was supposed to be home over the holiday, hopefully that would include today. So an email went out telling Maddy not to be surprised when Gaz and Dib showed up on her door. The second email went to Zim, telling him not to worry and that she would get to him as soon as she had shaken Dib. Knowing Zim though, no level of reassurance would stop him from worrying. There would probably have to be extra snuggles, not that Gaz minded. It was just annoying that some of those snuggles would be allocated to reassuring Zim, instead of just to being snuggled.

Even with foreknowledge, Gaz felt a wave of relief when Maddy answered the door. "There you are. Ready to go shopping?" Maddy smiled, with the lines of Gaz's excuse already on her lips.

"Yeah, just a second," Gaz replied, then glared at Dib, "Go home Dib."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," he brushed her off. "Nice to see you Maddy, have fun," Dib waved as he backed away from Gaz's vicious glare.

"Bye," Maddy waved, and then she closed the door, closing Dib out before she cast a skeptical glance to Gaz. "So  _why_  am I lying to your brother?"

"Because Dib's being a paranoid idiot," Gaz said, checking the peephole to make sure that he was leaving.

"Yeah, I can totally see that," Maddy drawled sarcastically, "I thought you had Christmas plans with your boyfriend."

"And I r _eally_  want Dib tagging along for them," Gaz drawled sarcastically right back.

Maddy blinked, "Haven't you told your brother that you're seeing someone?"

"Well, yeah, it has come up, just haven't told him who, and I think the who will be a problem for him," Gaz grumbled.

"I would say something about how cool it is to be more in the loop than Dib, but I don't know who you're dating either. Is this some paranormal thing? You wouldn't want Dib driving a stake through your boyfriend's heart. No - a werewolf - you said he has a dog, but really you were thinking about him all fuzzed-out on the full moon, weren't you?"

"Maddy," Gaz turned to her friend.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up now."

"Right."

Gaz let out a sigh, and typed another message to Zim. Then she put her GameSlavePortable away and fished through her bag. "This is for you," she handed a small present to Maddy.

"Notebook?"

"Notebook," Gaz confirmed. And then she pulled out a black turtleneck with flecks of gold. Gaz had the same sweater in some minor variation or another since she was a kid, and always wore it at Christmas.

"That's pretty," Maddy noted, "must be serious."

Gaz flinched slightly. Serious? Admittedly Zim was the first boyfriend who would get to see her in her Christmas sweater. But the fact that he was also the first boyfriend she was dating during Christmas holidays nullified that. Nothing about it being Zim made her any more or less inclined to follow her personal holiday traditions. However, that didn't necessarily mean that the seriousness of Gaz's relationship couldn't be called into question. Emotionally speaking Zim was definitely better than most at getting past the distance she normally enforced with an iron fist. Physically they weren't going any farther than Gaz had with her first boyfriend, but that relationship had taken eight months to get as far as it did, Zim had only taken three. That still didn't really encompass the thought of seriousness though. Gaz couldn't really imagine what it would be like to date Zim long-term. The college she wanted to go to was out of state, like Dib's, and she didn't really calculate Zim as part of that plan. If Zim wasn't going to follow Dib to college, she didn't expect to get any further consideration.

" _Should_  Dib be worried?" Maddy asked, with one eyebrow raised.

Well, technically Zim was still planning on destroying the Earth, albeit probably not anytime soon. Certainly if Dib knew who she was dating there was legitimate cause to worry. Dib didn't know that Zim had hit some sort of - for lack of a better term -  _Irken puberty_. There really was no way to tell what that might eventually lead to with such a limited understanding of natural Irken reproduction. But Gaz certainly didn't feel like she was in any sort of danger from Zim. And outside of this new relationship Dib and Zim had mostly sorted out any other personal conflicts between them.

"Should  _I_  be worried?" Maddy tried again, rephrasing the question.

Gaz let out a dry laugh, about to assure Maddy that she had no reason to worry, but then she paused. Again, Zim was planning on taking over the Earth, as laughable as Gaz found that after so many years of failed attempts, but one could never be sure. Really, the fate of the human race seemed like too big of a question after only three months of dating. If Gaz brought it up, would that qualify them as serious? It was certain a serious discussion topic. Personally Maddy and Zim had never rubbed each other the wrong way, so she personally wasn't in harm's way anymore than the human race in general.

Maddy stepped back. "It's not  _Dredge_ , is it?"

"No," Gaz snorted, "not Dredge."

"Okay, because you know I will totally swear off ever knowing you if you started going out with that asshole."

"I could buy you back with a dozen notebooks," Gaz rolled her eyes.

"Well yeah, but only after you'd  _stopped_  dating him."

"Lucky for both of us it's not fucking Dredge."

"So, who is it? Just put my mind at ease and give me the guy's name."

"Heh, no," Gaz said flatly.

"Oh come on, what could be so weird that I'm not allowed to know? You told me when you were dating that pig demon from that pig-world-netherworld."

"We were not dating," Gaz hissed, "I went, as his date, to a formal event, because his girlfriend was being a bitch. Bailing out a friend is not dating." Gaz reached for the door, but Maddy got in the way. Bad idea.

Maddy puffed up her chest and stood firmly as she could, giving Gaz a look of determination. "Either you give me a name, or I call Dib and tell him that you lied about the shopping trip."

Golden eyes glared at Maddy with absolute spite, "You wouldn't dare."

" _Someone_  should know who you're dating," Maddy stressed, but she had her eyes closed waiting for some sort of backlash. "Is it going to be Dib, or is it going to be me?"

Gaz let out her frustration as a heavy huff of air. Why did people have to be protective towards her? It wasn't productive for anyone. "My dad knows."

Maddy opened one eye, "Seriously?"

"We all went out to dinner together."

"But… but your dad is never in the loop!" Maddy cried.

"Well, he is in this case, now would you let it drop."

"That's… wow... " Maddy looked stupefied, but she moved to one side as her concern was addressed. "What kind of guy are you dating that your dad gets to know about it before me or Dib?" that was rhetorical based on the absent minded airiness of her voice.

Gaz got back the email she had been waiting for. Zim sent her a map showing Dib's current trajectory, straight for the base. That moron. Gaz had a contingency plan of course. She had set up one of her security dolls to set off the home security system. Knowing Dib, he'd run straight over. Another email went out to Zim with the details.

"I gotta go Maddy," Gaz muttered, giving her friend a once over to make sure that Maddy wasn't planning on spilling the beans.

"Alright, I guess I'll see you when school starts back up," Maddy sighed with resignation. If only the rest of Gaz's social life could be reasoned with as easily, there would have been no need for Gaz to have elaborate schemes or subterfuge.

* * *

_**End Mission Log** _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I held this chapter back so that I could post it here and on fancfiction at the same time. So I did.
> 
> Now that Gaz has dragged Maddy into her web of lies... well, you'll just have to wait to find out what happens next.


	7. Things are About to get Serious.

Zim had to stay out of sight. Dib would be more likely to chase after an alarm at home if signs pointed to Zim being out of the house. The robo-parents would be the first to greet his precious Gaz-mate. Years of work had removed the worst of the bugs, but they were not always trustworthy while in sentry mode. Zim wrung his fingers, worrying, and wondering if he shouldn't have been so hasty as to take off his gloves prematurely, but his fingers itched to touch her.

"Hello Miss Gaz," the robots trilled, and Zim whipped around the corner of the kitchen.

"Hey," Gaz smiled, smugly.

Zim didn't waste time, he crossed the room and grabbed his mate by the belt loops and pulled her against him. Lips crashed together, and after a minute Gaz's tongue, warm and wet, and oh so tasty rewarded his vigor. Then he simply leaned his head against hers and purred.

"Wow, if that's the kind of greeting I get when Dib is being annoying, maybe I should be encouraging him in the obsessively spying department," Gaz said, her voice obviously teasing.

"Zim can oblige without the inclusion of stupid interfering Dib," Gaz wasn't quite sure if Zim was teasing her back or not, but he seemed pleased that he had pleased her, so close enough.

"Mmm, sounds good to me," Gaz smiled, and Zim kissed her again, a little more heated than the last time, his arms left her belt loops and then… he stopped.

"What… what are you wearing?" Zim leaned back slightly, his brow knit.

"It's a sweater," Gaz said flatly.

"I don't like it," he sneered.

"It's my _Christmas_ sweater, which means I wear it every Christmas whether _you_ like it or not," Gaz sneered right back. "You should consider yourself lucky that you even see it. I only wear it about three days a year."

"It's all scratchy on the fingers of Zim," his face wrinkled even more.

"Are you five? Suck it up."

Zim's face didn't unwrinkle, he looked at the sweater like he had a personal vendetta against it.

"You're going to give up on the possibilities for kissing just because you don't like my sweater?" Gaz asked, unimpressed.

His big red globes flicked to her in horror, "No, of course not, I just…" then he went back to the wrinkles.

Gaz would have told him to stop looking so constipated if she thought he would understand. He probably wouldn't. The Pak handled any waste produced by the Irken body. The intricacies of defecation was a symptom of "lesser" species. If it were anyone else she probably would have called them a whiner and walked out, unfortunately it was Zim, and Gaz's interest in kissing him was not curbed by his stupidly cute conflicted face.

"For crying out loud, if it's that annoying then just go around it," Gaz scolded him. The stepping forward she grabbed his wrists and brought his fingers under the hem of her shirt. She had on one of her regular cotton long-sleeve shirts on underneath so Zim wasn't touching her Christmas sweater at all now. She flinched slightly as his fingers touched her stomach, and he also flinched.

"This… is okay?" Zim asked carefully.

Gaz flushed, but she was the one who shoved his hands up her shirt. Glancing away, she nodded. His fingers remained hesitant, pressing gently against her skin, then they began searching her stomach in soft little whorls. Glancing back, Gaz found his red eyes watching hers intently, like he was trying to see into her soul. She trembled, and Zim let out a little purr of satisfaction, and began bringing his face closer to hers. The search of his fingers began to spread and with each new inch of ground Gaz felt the tingle of his fingers turn into heat inside her. She ached to press closer but she didn't want to hamper the uncomfortably arousing motions of his fingers. Then there was his purring, their faces were so close that she could feel the rumble of his throat through the vibration of the air, making her mouth water in anticipation of another kiss.

The moment that Zim's lips met hers she opened her mouth and found their tongues crashing together. Any hesitation in Zim's fingers disappeared. They coiled quickly around her back pushing both her sweater and usual grey long-sleeve slightly upwards before he pulled her tightly to his chest. Her knees felt weak, and she only vaguely acknowledged when the pak legs extended to help them keep balanced. Gaz was the one to pull away, but not for long, she glanced around the room to quickly reorient herself, then pulled Zim towards the couch. Their lips met again before her back even hit the cushions, but they didn't stop there. Gaz pulled Zim over, so that she was lying down and Zim was leaning over her. His fingers adapted to the new alignment quickly, switching back to exploring her front side, although it put more distance between their bodies. It was probably more by necessity that the fingers then began to travel upwards, since it brought their chests closer together again, but Gaz couldn't help but gasp suddenly when the Irken's fingers slipped under her bra.

"Was that not…" Zim stumbled over the words. Had he done something wrong? Was Gaz hurt? Truthfully Zim had never looked too closely at human mating rituals. Until dating Gaz they had either seemed convoluted or too disgusting to explore. Female breasts especially were surrounded with a sort of societal mystery. It was deemed too risque to speak of them without rigorous scientific or medical terminology, so Zim was rather at a loss for what might be happening. It was probably the part of human culture he had the least knowledge of, so his mate's silent cues were not especially helpful. Gaz had begun to bite her lip and had completely glanced away. Zim rapidly tried to interpret the signal. What was the last time he'd seen Gaz bite her lips? Maybe the only time he'd seen Gaz bite her lips was a few months earlier when Zim's attempt to frighten the earth child into submission led to their dating. It was something about her turning her on, and her being too embarrassed to admit it. So embarrassed then? Would that make this an embarrassed good, or embarrassed bad? Well… Gaz hadn't hit him yet.

Zim stretched his fingers to touch her breast again, careful to be gentle. The noise that came from her throat was half whimper half moan. Seemingly a very good response, until Gaz placed her palms onto him and pushed him upwards, away. "Th-that's a little too serious," she stuttered slightly, still looking flushed and rather gorgeous.

"But you were enjoying it," Zim purred back, though he had ceased from touching her bare skin to show his compliance.

"My point still stands," Gaz said.

"Is there any way to continue the pleasurable touching in a way that's less serious?" Zim probed, placing his hands on the couch at either side of Gaz's head, leaning over her. It seemed as though Gaz enjoyed seeing him in that sort of position, her amber eyes travelled slowly up his arm.

"Clothes between makes it less _intimate_."

Zim was happy to oblige, for the half second before making contact with her sweater.

"Gyah! It's weird, and wrong, and un-Gaz-like," he protested rubbing his fingers violently across his own clothing to relieve the sensation.

Gaz snorted in frustration. At first the unusual protest against her sweater was just regular Zim-level annoying, now, cutting rather abruptly into her cuddle time it was rather aggravating. If only Gaz could punch just the part of Zim that was opposed to her sweater. Unfortunately she couldn't do that, so she pushed Zim's stupid face away. "I want my presents now," she said coldly.

Gaz's Christmas presents were fairly predictable, she had given Zim a list after all. The biggest box was a new phone, one with a zombie theme, to replace the one Gaz had broken while she was pissed at him. The mid-sized gift was an all-black makeup set, from a little gothic specialty store. Gaz had noted that it was an easy place that just about anything could meet her standards, but Zim had picked out the same set she normally wore to conventions, leaving her to silently wonder whether or not he had somehow analysed her makeup to determine what her brand was. Gaz brought Zim another present as well, one of her father's inventions actually, for Zim to tinker with and see if it met up to Irken standards.

They went down into the main base, briefly, while Dib came by. But he only planted a tracking device on Zim's vehicle and left. Zim was miffed until Gaz pointed out how easy Dib had made it to just lead him around in circles since he was following something that didn't necessarily have to actually have Zim in it.

Then they baked gingerbread cookies. For which Gir was unusually helpful. Zim was next to useless in his own kitchen. The best part was when the irken accidentally dumped the flour all over himself, which made Gaz laugh at his expense. With warm cookies and milk they watched crappy Christmas specials while insulting human intelligence. By then Gaz had forgiven him for taking issue with her sweater, maybe something about the fabric. She would try to find one that looked the same but was made with different material. Unfortunately that didn't really help in that particular moment, because anytime Zim's bare skin touched the Christmas sweater he would flinch away.

The sky was starting to turn red when Gaz packed her presents back up, slipping them into shopping bags as though she had bought them for herself. "Shall Zim walk you home?" he asked in third person.

"I'll be fine," Gaz said, "why risk Dib seeing you, right?"

"It's not too cold outside for precious Gaz?"

"Stop worrying," Gaz said, he probably wouldn't though. Cuddles were the fastest way to mellow Zim out and there had been a distinct lack of cuddles where her christmas sweater was involved. "That's what sweaters are for," she shot back, a little bitterly.

"Then why do you have to wear it inside Zim's house, is the temperature not warm enough?"

"It's my Christmas sweater Zim, it's just something I do," Gaz explained for what felt like the hundredth time. "The closest you'll get to a compromise on this is helping pick out the fabric for the next one."

"But if you're willing to just buy a new one then there's no sense why you can't put it away while here with Zim."

Gaz glared at him and huffed again. "You just don't get it," she muttered quiet and dark.

"Then explain to Zim," he shot back. "There is no public here to appreciate socially appropriate attire. There is no reason Zim can see that would make you choose a sweater over Zim!"

"Don't try to make this my fault, Zim, all you had to do was to step out of your selfish little head for one minute." Gaz snarled at him, letting everything vent at once, "Would you throw your little Irken military symbols aside because they made someone else uncomfortable? I wanted to share something meaningful with you and you've been so stuck on how it makes your fingers itch that it never even occurred to you that it might be more than just a stupid sweater!" Gaz shoved the Irken across the room. "I wear it because it was the same type of sweater my mom wore at Christmas! Because it's one of the only things I can even remember about her!" Then she grabbed the doorknob, "I don't know why I even bothered trying to share something like that with you," and slammed it behind her.

Zim stared across the room. He had a lot of information he had to process.

Gaz was still pissed off by the time she had gotten home. She found Dib in front of the television with pizza, watching one of the same Christmas specials she'd just gone through with Zim.

"Hey Gaz, have you eaten yet?" Dib offered up the pizza.

She'd had a ton of cookies, but a ton of grease sounded like just the sort of thing she needed to balance her mood anyway. With a slice in one hand she curled up on the couch, pulling her legs into her chest.

"Someone at the mall must've really messed up," Dib noted aloud.

Gaz smirked, her brother was getting too good at this. Then she noticed that Dib had stopped moving, he was watching her with his brow knit. "Stop looking so constipated," she told him, "I didn't cause any permanent damage."

"When did you put on your Christmas sweater?" he asked, his voice light.

Fuck.

**End Mission Log**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter took longer to get out of my brain than I would have liked. Hard to believe that this whole story originated from me wanting to write things like that little cuddle scene of blusherific smexy. We've gotten a major bean-spilling from Gaz before a Zim who really can't relate. Though I think there's something to be said about me spitting this chapter out on mother's day. They sang a stupid sappy song at church and it made me cry on my mom's shoulder.


End file.
